Heartbreak is actually a learning experience

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Heartbreak is actually a learning experience

Photo: Maddie Lyons

Photo: Maddie Lyons

Photo: Maddie Lyons

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They’ll warn you over and over again. They tell you that it’s going to happen. And as sucky as heartbreak is, I believe it is vital to go through. Everyone will experience some form of heartbreak in their lifetime, no matter what the reason or to what degree.

You need to fall in love with the wrong person, you need to lose a loved one, and you need to lose a friend. I think you need to fight and cry and sweat and bleed and fail.  When you’re heartbroken in love, your world falls apart, and everything you thought you knew dissipates. And as silly as it seems, it gives us an opportunity to build ourselves again, but this time on the foundation of us, not anyone or anything else. It hurts you mentally and physically. According to a Love Study conducted by Medical News Today, brains react to heartbreak in the same way they react to physical pain.

Experiencing heartbreak from a failed relationship can almost be an out of body experience. You’re able to take a step back, and see yourself as being so fragile and so broken, and in that moment, you realize what you want and do not want; what you need and do not need. I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I only knew what love was, once I found out what it was not. 

Losing a friend or family member, you once again get in touch with your emotions. It, too, makes you step outside of yourself and notice what is really important in life and what it is that you want. I know from first hand experience, as I have had many loved ones pass and/or hurt very badly that they can no longer be present in my life. It shows you just how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken.

It shows you that true love, even in the form of family and friends, is unwavering because you continue to love them even after they’ve left their bodies behind.

The heartbreak of losing a friendship is one of the worst. You spend years with them, your better half.  You hold all of those memories and get jealous when you see them out with their new best friend. I know this feeling all too well. There was a reason for your split, and it only took you years to realize how badly they treated you and how toxic they were in your life. You remember that they were the reason for your insecurity and for not loving yourself as you should have, but you do now. When you’re faced with horrible results that hurt you, how you react and handle the situation shows you who you really are and what you’re capable of.

Enduring any form of heartbreak helps you mature and grow into the person that you are meant to be.  However, if your heartbreak is too fresh to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, there are, according to U.S. News, some healthy ways to heal and learn from your heartbreak.

  • Make friends with your heartbreak to keep it from being a bad influence on your actions.
  • Meditate to help cope with negative thoughts.
  • Turn off the sad, I’ll never love again songs, opting instead for more upbeat tunes.
  • Understand that grief and depression are not the same.  It’s normal to feel grief after a heartbreak; however, depression, in which nothing matters, from prolonged grief should be taken more seriously.
  • Feel kindness toward your heartbreaker.  Holding a grudge hurts you more than it hurts them.
  • Write about it, but try to stay in third person.  This will allow you to purge your feelings, while stepping back and examining things from a new perspective.
  • Do not go out and waste money on a bunch of self-help books that will make you feel worse or convince you that you are to blame.
  • Share your love; this does not mean go out and jump into a new friendship or relationship.  It simply means sharing your kindness and love to the situations and people you encounter.  Instead of seeking validation through love, offer your love to better yourself through bettering the world around you.

Whatever your method of coping with your heartbreak, try to find the learning opportunity.  Heartbreak is inevitable, but you can make it work to your advantage by learning from it.

 

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